Parenting Revelations

I realized something this morning after telling my son for the millionth time to stop harassing his little sister. He needs some time to himself, and I don't mean a time out. I think he needs some one-on-one time with his parents. Now, I realize that isn't such a far out thought that I deserve an award for my excellent creativity and genius, but when one is frazzled and constantly caught in the middle of squabbles, it seems like an "aha" moment.

We were doing well with having 2 kids in the beginning. My husband had 2 weeks of paternity leave and after the first few days (I had a caesarean), we went out every day (it helped me beat the baby blues). Our son loved it! We went on picnics, to the coast, on a train ride, to a cheese factory, and took lots of trips to parks. I don't particularly like the feeling of walking everywhere a few days after having major surgery, but I felt like it really helped our son realize that life could still be fun with a new baby.

Then I started coughing. I thought at first it was related to pain medication, or maybe I had a blood clot go to my lungs (this was a really scary thing to think about!). I couldn't breathe if I was in bed, so for a couple weeks I sat up to sleep. The cough got so bad that I was throwing up anything I ate. It was awful! I also had horrible night sweats, and wasn't hungry (I lost 65 pounds in 6 weeks!).

After suffering through that for 6 weeks, I went to the doctor. She immediately scheduled me for a set of chest x-rays. I had multiple masses in my chest, mostly between my lungs. 2 days later, I had a CT scan and was referred to an oncologist. He recommended that I have a lymph node biopsy. The lymph nodes over my collar bones had been swollen for about a year, and that along with all of the other symptoms (and the masses showing up on scans) made it seem likely that I had a type of lymphoma.

The lymph node biopsy revealed that it was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I needed a PET scan, a lung function test, and an echocardiogram before I could start chemotherapy. I was an emotional wreck, and felt like I had to hide it.

I was still trying to function as normal, but I was still recovering from my c-section and trying to adjust to having 2 children. I had to give up breastfeeding when I started chemo. It was horrible. It was the day my daughter was 3 months old, and should have been so wonderful, but instead nursed her for the last time 5 minutes before I left the house for my first treatment.

And my children had to deal with all of that... and the months that followed. I wanted to make the transition to 2 children as smooth as possible for my first. The cancer made it hard to be a parent. All I wanted to do was rest, and that couldn't happen because I was still a stay at home mom with 2 little ones. I am so happy that I got to continue being at home with my children (it's the best thing in the world for me), but it was hard. I felt like I had climbed a mountain when I played with my son for 15 minutes.

And now, shortly after finishing treatment I need to get back to being a normal mom (new and improved- now with energy!), but I find it challenging because my children did not stop aging while I went through treatment. I don't have a tiny baby and a 2.5 year old. I have to figure out how to do things with them, but they're different people with new needs. The baby is crawling and cruising everywhere, and my 3 year old is going through the tough emotional stuff that is normal for his age.

I think every child needs some special time alone with parents, but it is especially important when you have more than one child. For my children, that need has been ignored because of my treatment. Now that I am well, I think it is time give my son some extra attention. He needs reassurance that he is still an important part of my life.

One-on-one time with parents seems to curb destructive behavior and encourage a more cheerful disposition. My son seems more agreeable when he has gotten to play without his little sister. There is too much competition for parental attention when siblings are together. 

Some ideas of simple one-on-one activities:
-Board games (The Sneaky, Snacky Squirrel game is our favorite!)
-Art projects
-A trip to the grocery store
-Baking a treat
-Reading favorite books together

I will be writing more about my cancer experience, and ideas I have for one-on-one time, in the next few weeks. If you have any questions, please leave a comment or send me an e-mail at ThePlasticHomesteader@gmail.com.